Pick a beer.
Take too long to pick a beer and pick something because the label looks cool.
Put back the beer because a hipster rolled his eyes at you.
Look for words like stout, IPA, sour or saison.
Get an approving half-nod from the [same] hipster.
Take beer home.
If it’s not cold, put the beer in the fridge. If it’s cold, put the beer in the fridge.
Get your beer tasting glass. What? Don't you have a beer tasting glass? Buy one, you rube.
Open your beer.
Wait, take the beer out of your fridge THEN open the beer.
Tilt the bottle towards the glass and pour slowly. You don’t want head do you? If you do, ASK YOUR MOM!! Oh, snap!
Exhale and then take a small sip.
Let the beer sit on your tongue for a while and think about that time when you and your friends went driving to San Antonio for the weekend. Remember that old man you swore you saw, but no one else in the car did? Then swallow.
Let the absence of beer linger on your tongue. One of the most important part of a beer tasting is not to taste the beer.
Inhale and then take another sip. Notice the difference in the taste. Notice how Chuck laughed at you when you argued about seeing that man near the road. He was floating or something. Dammit, Chuck.
Pair it up! Why let the wine snobs have all the fun? A saison goes well with shellfish. Having an IPA? Try it with some duck. Grilling some veggies? It goes well with a stout.
Remember when the car broke down in the middle of the night and you had that argument with Chuck? He’s your childhood friend, but he is downright stubborn. He walked towards the railroad tracks to prove to you that there is no old man.
With each sip examine the flavor. The grain, hops, and even the barrel has a story to tell. Let the beer talk to you. Fun fact: Medieval soothsayers drink beer to commune with the past. They believe that if one communes with the past, he will see the future.
Enjoy responsibly! Note that beer is, in fact, alcoholic. Too much tasting will leave the taster impaired.
Chuck is dead man! I don’t know who killed him, man! We gotta find help! Oh man!
- Take a picture of the beer, post it on social media and check into Untappd. Tasting craft beer doesn’t count unless you tell people about it.